It has been a while

I know it has been a while since I have added anything significant to my blog (and I have been feeling a little guilty about that too!), so I thought it was time for an update and some thoughts that have been running through my head recently. I have been spending a great deal more time on myself lately And re-discovering "me", plus the enjoyment of actually having a life again. It might be a bit selfish...but feels really good!

Please forgive me if you find this long winded but I feel I need to share.

During the process of this life changing weight loss I have rediscovered some things about myself and about others I am going to share. I am going to be extremely honest. I know some who reads my blog may have already felt these things…there are others who will never know the feelings and those who might one day experience the very same things.

I recently have experienced a personal weight loss victory. There was a time I seriously wondered if it would ever happen for me. I am now officially down a total of 109 pounds from my top weight, and 99 pounds since my first appointment with my Weight Loss Doctor. I guess that is would be the equivalent of a smaller sized person or child. I still need to loose I would say about 50 pounds but I am well on my way to the smaller me. Now this is a MAJOR LANDMARK for me! It has taken me a few days to really sit down and think about all of this and pray that this is permanent because at times I sit and think the “What If”, What if I get rid of the clothes I can’t wear and I gain the weight back. What if my band fails or I fail my band? The list can go on but those are the big ones. I have gone and done things in the last few weeks that I have enjoyed and not done so in years without pain or the simple fact of being out of shape and get tired. I love the fact that I can go and do things that not to long ago could not.

The joys of the last few weeks include going down to Universal Studios and enjoying any rollercoaster I wanted to! AND not have to sit in the modify seating. I kept up the pace for the most part until I learned that I still need energy to get though the day and there really is not much to eat for someone like me in a park. Oh sure there is the $9 Turkey Leg that I would eat maybe 10 bites of but that is about it. So lesson learned here is I will take some beef jerky in with me to help hold me over.

I also went fishing. I got myself a fishing license and pole and went fishing. This is something I been wanting to go and do this for so long now but my weight held me back. Just didn’t feel like getting up and going you could say.

The energy I have now amazes me! I just want to go and do. Yeah, sometimes I fall back to my old self, but then I get to thinking that was the old me and I get up and go! Maybe this is why my blog is not updated as often now.

Loosing this much weight and therefore changing the way I look seems to get interesting responses from people. My close friends tell me how great I look. Some who I have not seen for over a year or so is amazed. I had one person not even recognize me when I went up to him to say hi and talk. I also get different responses from total strangers too. It feels really good to be smiled at again by passing strangers...but a little confusing too. After all, back then at 345 lbs I was still the same person inside...wasn't I? So why am I being treated so differently now? I haven't changed. Or have I? So I guess I am of a more acceptable weight even though I am still over weight? That makes wonder how have I might have made others feel when they might not have been of the acceptable realms of what we think? This has made me stop and think how I look at people and what I think.

Clothing. The one thing I really didn’t think about when I started this journey. That I would have to shop for new clothes and do something with the old ones. Don’t mind shopping if I have the money, but doing something with the old ones seems to be a problem. It goes back to the what ifs ; what if I fail or the band fails and I gain the weight back? I am in the mind set that I NEVER want to go back to being over 300 pounds. I know with the tool that I have and the lessons I have learned about eating, I won’t. So why is it so hard to get rid of the clothes that are my FAT clothes? I can’t wear them that is for sure!

This is getting long so I will end here for now. Sorry this was long. A lot on my mind and Life is really good when you feel better I guess you feel more when you feel better. In closing I will leave you with my quote of late. "When we have a vision of what we can BECOME, our power to act increases dramatically." Elder Oaks

Gate River Run March 12 2011

Here is my daughter Kaitlynn and I at the start of the 5k. The Florida Times Union 5k for Charity is at the same time as the Gate River Run. She stayed with me the whole time and we did it in 54.34. That is great as I really only been able to do this in the last few months.

The Green shirts we have on is from my weight loss center. You can see what they say on the front, and the back says I am running from Obesity! Jacksonville Weight Loss Center. There was about 15 of us from the Center plus my Doctor and Nutritionist ran in the 15k!

I walked and jog this race. I didn't finish first, but I was not last either. I would say I was about in the middle of the pack. Felt great to do this! So glad I did!

Kaitlynn and I as well as our group went over to the 15k finish line. It was there I learned a little bit about myself. I had finished my 5k. Walked over to the 15k finish line in hopes to see a few people I know. Then, I started really not feeling well! Everything kind of went gray/white and I kind of almost passed out! Luckily one of my friends noticed and her husband saw and caught me and laid me down on the sidewalk. Boy did I start to feel better then! Not sure if it was the lack of food, water, low blood pressure or all of the above that caused this! I have never had that happen before after a workout and I have had a few in the last few months! After a bit, I sat up, then got up and felt ok. Was able to walk back to the Expo and see some things there and head on to the car and came home. Scary but I at this time not to worried about it. But I promise myself, if it happens again I will go see a Doctor.

All and all it was a great day! I hope to run the Gator Bowl Run at the end of the year. Who knows, maybe next year I can run the 15k!

99 Lbs and counting!

Ok didn't get to that 100lbs mark yet but my Doctors visit went GREAT!
This side by side comparison is an eye opener for me! I can really start to see it in myself. I felt it, my clothes didn't fit any longer, I have more energy but like many who goes on a weight loss journey don't always see it in themselves. Tonight I have and WOW!

Didn't get a fill on the band today. Which is fine, I feel at this time I am at a good spot with it. I was asked today if I would be a mentor for someone that struggling with their weight journey. Also I was asked if I would go to a seminar sometime and tell my story. What an honor!

Rest of the week, I am focus on the Gate River Run (5k part). I get to pick up my first race packet of my life this week! I will be walking and some jogging but the goal now is to do the Gator Bowl 5k at the end of the year and run the whole thing! The only thing that has me a bit concern about this weekend is my robo toe. For those who don't know, I had my right big toe joint replaced Dec 2009. About two weeks ago, I tripped in a parking lot on a parking stop with that same foot and toe and it seems I bruised it. Been walking my miles, but jogging is another story at this time with the toe. I guess it just needs time to heal. Since it all metal in my toe I call it the Robo Toe.

So I am calling it a night. Thanks to all who support me with your kind words. I don't know if I could do this with out all of YOU!

I know I am in the 240'S and I am now having to wear bifocals!

I am so close to having lost 100lbs! I can't believe it! Last August when I started this jouney to now and I have lost almost 100lbs! Next week I get to update the ticker and I am hoping it will say that I have loss 100lbs! Next week is my doctors appointment and that is the scale I go off of. Still having a hard time with seeing it in myself, but the scale says so! My clothing says so! Having to shop for new everything says so! So why do I still see the old me?

Come to find out, that I am not the only one who sees the old self in themselves. Last night at support group we talked about self image. I also found out I am not the only one who can't get rid of their "FAT" clothing. At first I was keeping them as the "what if" but now I just want them not just thrown out but go to good use. I don't want to look at them, I just have them in boxes. Each day it seems I come across something that just don't fit anymore. I have found things that I hope one day I could wear again...and missed that window of wearing it again! Maybe we should do a clothing exchange at the center one night for support group. They done it before I got their. Put that on my list of things to do!

You know you are getting older when your glasses go to bifocals! UGH! I been wearing glasses since I was in High School. I noticed around the holidays last year I was having trouble reading. Gees with all the changes my body been going though, I shrug it off thinking that had something to do with it. Nope not really but I guess I was telling myself that to make me feel better! So today I order a pair of bifocals! That is just to get me by until I can order on Zenni Optical. Our whole family orders from their to get the best rate in glasses and we can each have more then one pair too!

So next week, I get to update again on here. Keep your fingers crossed that I can say 100lbs!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day everyone! The little heart is I LOVE MY LAP-BAND!

Sorry I have not updated in a couple of weeks. Getting my life back on track takes time I guess. I got in to my GYN Dr and we are working my pain issue now. So that is getting better. I had a 3rd fill on my band last week and I am doing well with that. Weight is coming off and I am starting to look great! So life is GRAND!

Eating is an adventure! I am amazed at just how little I do eat now and feel full! I made a mock lasagna last night on my plate with a few turkey meatballs, some sauce and cottage cheese. YUMMY!

My focus is the upcoming Gate River Run. The 5k part anyway. Going to be a wonderful day spent with some wonderful friends from the Weight Loss Center.

Well off for now! Take care everyone!

Friday Night at the aloft we got RECHARGED

Friday night the Jacksonville Weight Loss center did a recharge event for all their patients. It was a good time, nice hotel and lots of vendors! The picture is of me and a few other patients that help with the event. We passed out some goodie bags and signed up some for a buddy system if they wanted some help.

We really had a good time. Kathy (one to my left) and I passed out the goodie bags. It was great to meet each of the patients as they came to the event.

Everyone is on this weight loss journey, just in different stages you could say. The support I get from this center and everyone there that is a patient I am very thankful for!

I found my DREAM exercise machine that night! Even Phil fell in love with it. It is a seated elliptical by Octane Fitness Oh how I wish we could get one of these! Two in fact! I can just see Phil and I sitting on these watching a movie!

Phil gave blood that night as they had a blood mobile there. Fashion show, a Q&A panel and don't forget the food by Chef Kitty!

Good night! Wish I didn't have to leave early do to not feeling good.

After a Rough weekend I am still Thankful!

Yes, it was a very rough weekend. The pain in my side came back! I went to my PCM (Primary Care Doc) and got a referral to see my GYN Doc. I did this on Friday.

Friday night I went to the Recharge event put on by my weight loss center. It was a good time, good info but, I had to leave early because I started not to feel good. Phil and I went to get a bit to eat, and I could not eat. :( But the picture is me at the aloft hotel for this event!

Friday night was a tough night to sleep. By Saturday morning first thing, double over in pain and Phil took me to the ER where I spent a good part of the day. Good News....this pain has nothing to do with my band! It is in place where it needs to be and looks good. Bad News is what I expected all along. I do have a ovarian cyst! Good thing I started working on that referral to see my GYN doc! I am calling my PCM first thing in the morning to let them know that is what it is and to make sure they turn that referral over to tricare.

So after this weekend, I am still thankful for my band and my family. They are so supportive of me! I will get though this! Just is going to take time.

I hope I can walk some tomorrow. So I can keep up with the 5k for the the Gate Run in March. I am looking forward to that as my goal for the following year is the 15k Gate River Run!