It has been a while

I know it has been a while since I have added anything significant to my blog (and I have been feeling a little guilty about that too!), so I thought it was time for an update and some thoughts that have been running through my head recently. I have been spending a great deal more time on myself lately And re-discovering "me", plus the enjoyment of actually having a life again. It might be a bit selfish...but feels really good!

Please forgive me if you find this long winded but I feel I need to share.

During the process of this life changing weight loss I have rediscovered some things about myself and about others I am going to share. I am going to be extremely honest. I know some who reads my blog may have already felt these things…there are others who will never know the feelings and those who might one day experience the very same things.

I recently have experienced a personal weight loss victory. There was a time I seriously wondered if it would ever happen for me. I am now officially down a total of 109 pounds from my top weight, and 99 pounds since my first appointment with my Weight Loss Doctor. I guess that is would be the equivalent of a smaller sized person or child. I still need to loose I would say about 50 pounds but I am well on my way to the smaller me. Now this is a MAJOR LANDMARK for me! It has taken me a few days to really sit down and think about all of this and pray that this is permanent because at times I sit and think the “What If”, What if I get rid of the clothes I can’t wear and I gain the weight back. What if my band fails or I fail my band? The list can go on but those are the big ones. I have gone and done things in the last few weeks that I have enjoyed and not done so in years without pain or the simple fact of being out of shape and get tired. I love the fact that I can go and do things that not to long ago could not.

The joys of the last few weeks include going down to Universal Studios and enjoying any rollercoaster I wanted to! AND not have to sit in the modify seating. I kept up the pace for the most part until I learned that I still need energy to get though the day and there really is not much to eat for someone like me in a park. Oh sure there is the $9 Turkey Leg that I would eat maybe 10 bites of but that is about it. So lesson learned here is I will take some beef jerky in with me to help hold me over.

I also went fishing. I got myself a fishing license and pole and went fishing. This is something I been wanting to go and do this for so long now but my weight held me back. Just didn’t feel like getting up and going you could say.

The energy I have now amazes me! I just want to go and do. Yeah, sometimes I fall back to my old self, but then I get to thinking that was the old me and I get up and go! Maybe this is why my blog is not updated as often now.

Loosing this much weight and therefore changing the way I look seems to get interesting responses from people. My close friends tell me how great I look. Some who I have not seen for over a year or so is amazed. I had one person not even recognize me when I went up to him to say hi and talk. I also get different responses from total strangers too. It feels really good to be smiled at again by passing strangers...but a little confusing too. After all, back then at 345 lbs I was still the same person inside...wasn't I? So why am I being treated so differently now? I haven't changed. Or have I? So I guess I am of a more acceptable weight even though I am still over weight? That makes wonder how have I might have made others feel when they might not have been of the acceptable realms of what we think? This has made me stop and think how I look at people and what I think.

Clothing. The one thing I really didn’t think about when I started this journey. That I would have to shop for new clothes and do something with the old ones. Don’t mind shopping if I have the money, but doing something with the old ones seems to be a problem. It goes back to the what ifs ; what if I fail or the band fails and I gain the weight back? I am in the mind set that I NEVER want to go back to being over 300 pounds. I know with the tool that I have and the lessons I have learned about eating, I won’t. So why is it so hard to get rid of the clothes that are my FAT clothes? I can’t wear them that is for sure!

This is getting long so I will end here for now. Sorry this was long. A lot on my mind and Life is really good when you feel better I guess you feel more when you feel better. In closing I will leave you with my quote of late. "When we have a vision of what we can BECOME, our power to act increases dramatically." Elder Oaks